Tuesday, January 6, 2009

January 6, 2001

Where are they, if no longer at the mens and womens restrooms?
Where are they, if not at Lacks and J. C. Pennys?
Where are they, if no longer hidden in Sams Liquor Mart and Cathys Classic Cuts?
Are they gone forever, or have they just taken the low road,
splicing sentences and breaking up series in the Oxford fashion.
Have they teemed up to quote or partnered with an aspiring period to separate complete thoughts?
Or are they somewhere less conventional, stretching out leisurely atop French vowels or tanning just above the Spanish "n?"

If I ever find them don't worry about me spreading them around.
I will keep them safely guarded, my little punctuative menagerie.
Holding them all, guilt free, knowing I'm the only one left who cares about possession.


Trevor said...

as a longtime public advocate of the oxford comma, i can't help but take your associating it with "the low road" as a personal insult. screw you, glenn.

Trevor said...

in fact, i'll probably punch, kick, and rack you the next time we meet.

Glenn Phillips said...

Know that I only refer to the low road in locational terms. I would never seek to attack the Oxford comma, noblest of punctuation marks.

TB said...

point me not to the literal meanings of your sentences: i am not other people. i know you for the double-entendrist that you were, are, and ever will be.

Glenn Phillips said...

May the Oxford comma be buried with all its archaic brethren at the bottom of the grammatical sea. Long live America, its people and its grammatical standard.

Anonymous said...


your disdain for the oxford comma is unnecessary, foolish, and will not be tolerated.

--joe s